Jan Langbein, at the Research Institute for Farm Animal Biology in Germany, hopes that ‘in a few years all cows will go to a toilet’. Photograph: Westend61/Getty Images

I really thought I had written a singular and seminal treatise on dung but new dribs and drabs … er dumps even … of dung have emerged. And yes … I have taken it upon myself to exuberate and express dodo on this new dung news!

So it turns out, the damn Germans are potty training cows. I kid you not. Read ’em and weep —…